It’s a Perfect Day… Right?

Right now, the Cubs game is starting on the radio in a minute, a perfect breeze is blowing the curtains back and forth, the sky is a deep gorgeous blue, and I hear the occasional reaction fromneighbors watching the Bears game. It’s a perfect day.

Except I’m literally flat on my back, and the kids are apparently driving Xife nuts. He’s stuck with them while I split my time between playing on my Droid while laying down, desperately trying to catch up on homework, sleeping, and trying to move around enough to avoid losing strength.

Why? Herniated discs. Two of them, one small and one “huge.” Fun stuff. Sitting hurts. Walking hurts. Doing anything other than laying down hurts. I had a cortisone injection this past Wednesday. It took the pain down from excruitiating to doable. It feels like it’s wearing off already.

I feel utterly useless. I went from wondering if I’d get back to hockey this season to wondering how I’ll manage to take good care of the kids during the week and get caught up with my class. I’m a week behind in a class that lasts 5.5 weeks.

I feel pretty low right now. Family is too far away to help, and my friends have their own responsibilities. I need to be able to work at the computer. Money is getting tighter, and I’m a money sink. Like a ramshackle house.

So, it’s a perfect day. And all I’m doing is wallowing. But hey, at least I’m not dead!

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It will feel better when it stops hurting

I remember my grandpa saying that when I was little. If I called right now to whine about my back, he’d probably say the same thing. And he’d be right.

A pinched nerve due to herniated discs is no fun, but neither is it the end of the world. Most people have a good shot at recovery. Painkillers, muscle relaxers, cortisone injections, physical therapy, chiropractic care, and a handful of therpy options, when utilized properly, bring relief in four to six weeks.

Valium is on my agenda this weekend. The Curious Case of Benjamen Button is here from Netflix, as well as Coraline, so that may be interesting once the Valium kicks in.

Pain has been a constant for most of my life. I thought for a long time that it was fibromyalgia, and that could be. However, the more I learn about Sensory Processing Disorder, the more I realize that my sensitivity to pain could be related to that.

My family would tell you I always complained about things hurting. It got to be that they were only concerned when there was blood, bruising, or they saw an injury happen. That used to upset me something fierce, but now I understand. Of all the times something hurt, only a few pains were worthy of attention. Recognizing my feelings and fears would have been better than brushing them off, but I think the lack of education about SPDs in the 1980s and 90s had a lot to do with their handling of it.

Playing ice hockey for the past year and a half seems to have eased many of my aches and pains. Sitting at the computer for hours on end has the opposite effect. I haven’t been able to skate since May because of my back, so I’m worried about the random aches returning.

I also wonder how a nuero-typical person would deal with my current situation. One of the guys I skated with at the beginning of the summer session had the same herniations as me at about the same time. When I saw him last, he was lacing up to go skate (just skate-not play) with his son. I am nowhere near that level of recovery. It seems like I always heal slower than people with similar injuries. Fibromyalgia or sensory issue? I don’t know. It’s probably both.

My daughter recently started complaining about things hurting. I can’t tell if she’s really in pain, or if she is trying to get attention. Mommy hurts, so The Munchie clearly must too, right? I remember being told I was just trying to get attention when I was her age. Telling the difference is difficult.

Well, it’s time to go pick up that Valium. Someone has just upset me, so I’m angry. Not helpful. There is SO much more I want to say at the moment, but I can’t. I’ll avoid the issue until 8 can properly address it. So there. (It’s my blog, so I’m allowed to be snarky once in a while!)

So… have a good weekend.